What exactly is life or death? This is a topic that I have examined several times in the past. Like many people who suffer from depression may ask themselves: “What am I doing here, with this life, on this planet full of misery?” During the period in which I was depressed and suicidal, I thought death would be an escape from my suffering. A solution to the not understanding why I am here. In fact, a tactic to not have to feel the pain of my traumas.

But in the end, I came to a different conclusion

Everything on this planet contains some sort of life, in all kinds of colours, shapes, and sizes. Why does a tulip bulb grow in to a tulip? And why does a lavender seed become a lavender plant? Why doesn’t it become a rose? There is a type of structure on this planet; everything grows, without us having to do anything. Even our babies grow without us having to do anything; a miraculous development. A never-ending intelligence. Nature develops itself. She has a self-healing ability. When autumn ends, and the leaves have fallen, mould and bacteria digest those leaves, which then create nutrition for the trees. And when our bodies get wounded, they heal automatically; you don’t have to do anything.

There’s a vital energy which makes everything grow

This vital energy also causes everything to move. Trees, animals, and plants have just been put on this this planet, as well as you and I. I don’t think anyone has ever asked me if I wanted to live, yet still I ended up in a certain place and in a certain family. What’s remarkable is that humans have the ability to wonder why. But really, we are all just part of nature. Have you ever heard a tree say: “Hey, why am I here in these strong winds that can break my branches?” You can assume that you are a part of life, simply because you are alive.

Everything that grows, also lives

The question is, can life die? And what exactly is life? In my experience, life is the process and the power of growth in everything, and the energy that animates everything. Spirit, and vital energy. So can life die? I think the answer is no. Life is life, and the question is, what dies? It is merely the shape or the sleeve that dies. For some time I thought that I couldn’t bear my suffering and death would be a way out. The pain of not being allowed to be here was too strong, I didn’t see a purpose. The question wasn’t why death. The question was, which pain was I trying to escape.

What I live for, is the fact that I’m alive

We’re alive, and therefore we matter. But we have the capacity to think we don’t. We are the vital energy, the infinite intelligence, the essence, the diamond. You were meant to be on this planet, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You have a special purpose only you know about and only you can find. If we’d be talking about plants, you could be a daisy, or a rose, both flowers with their own traits and qualities. You are unique. Trees will experience many storms, just like us. Their branches may break, and they might lose their leaves, but they will still stand strong, with great vitality. You must have such great vitality too if you read this and regularly battle thoughts about death, or the desire to die. What incredible life force lies within you that made you survive all the storms in your life, even when your branches broke. Yet you are still here on this planet, in your place, with your purpose.

All of us will die one day

But the thing we all live for, the thing that is life, will not die. I attempted suicide multiple times and survived, because only a part of me saw death as a way out. My inner self wanted to live. Death can seem like a warm blanket, a solution to problems and unpleasant feelings. But what you are really looking for is called unconditional love, that you are allowed to be who you are, that you feel loved for your unique self. That you’re allowed to exist, with all your emotions, all your painful experiences, and all your struggles, so can can live your life being true to yourself. Life wanted you to be on this planet, and you are a part of life.

Warm greetings, Rianne

photo creative commons ((Piqsels)

Translation by SGM Taplin