Vulnerability. In recent years we’ve witnessed young people around the world indicating that they struggle more and more with psychological problems. And if we take a good look at the world around us, an image appears of a society that keeps getting more fast paced, driven by our almost addictive craving for economic growth. Is there any space left for vulnerability in young people? A fast paced society and the price young people pay

Everything has to be more efficient, faster, better – but at what price? Not only for our planet, but for the mental health of our younger generations.

Success as an option and the pressure of perfection

Some people say this isn’t a coincidence. They point to the fact that our economic systems treat people like parts of a large corporate machine, in which success is something that you have to “sell”. Success has become a choice – that’s what we’re being told anyway. And if success is a choice, then failure is too, apparently. The result? Young people get caught in an endless cycle of comparing, competing, and constantly trying to be at the top, whilst selling themselves on social media.

Life becomes some kind of showcase of perfection, whilst vulnerability, which is essential to a real connection between people, disappears into the background.

The difference between immediate and delayed gratification

The problem is deeply-rooted. Young people grow up in a world where everything has to be feasible and measurable. From marks in school to the number of likes on Instagram: it’s all about achievements, appearance, and instant gratification. Our society has been focusing so much on short-term rewards, we’ve neglected our ability to look ahead, at significance, bigger goals, and connection.

This is the difference between what scientists call the lower order and higher order of the reward system.

Lower and higher order of the reward system

The difference between instant and delayed gratification. Instant gratification is all about fulfilling our desires the moment they present themselves, without much effort or patience. This can be something simple, like the satisfaction you get from getting likes on social media, buying something new, or having an unhealthy snack. It gives you an instant kick, a short moment of joy.

This kind of satisfaction is often shallow and passes quickly. You might feel good for a moment, but the urge for more quickly follows. It is a consumptive type of satisfaction that feeds itself with external stimuli and approval of others. It’s like the rush of dopamine you get when you receive positive attention, but the rush passes swiftly and makes you long for more.

Then there’s delayed gratification, a deeper form of satisfaction that you get when you are prepared to wait and to invest in something that is meaningful in the long run. An example of this could be building a meaningful relationship, developing a skill, or working on personal growth. Unlike the instant gratification, this requires patience and effort.

The satisfaction that you ultimately get, is more sustainable. It feels less like a temporary ‘high’, and more like a stable and fulfilling sensation of satisfaction. This type of satisfaction is less about what other people think of you and more about how you feel about yourself, about the connection you’ve built and the meaning of life that you’ve found.

The trap of instant gratification

But this is where it gets tricky. The culture of instant gratification, of success and achieving, goes against our higher reward system. Young people chase the immediate rewards, and become more alienated from purpose and connection. The likes on social media, the latest gadgets, and even the fast food we eat are all examples of how we are stuck in a habit that keeps us trapped in the habit of chasing instant rewards.

The social impact of this habit

 This lifestyle in which success appears to be a choice and there’s no place for vulnerability, is not only a problem for the individual. It is a communal problem. We have created a culture in which young people constantly have to check whether they still belong, whether they comply with the norm of perfection that is presented all around them. This way of living is not sustainable, and it makes them susceptible to psychological problems like anxiety, depression, and a feeling of uselessness.

Back to connection and vulnerability

What do young people really need? Connection. Vulnerability. The feeling they’re worth more than their achievements or the amount of likes they get. We need to return to a society in which there is space for going slower, reflection, and deeper meaning. A society that doesn’t solely focus on economic growth and instant gratification, but also on values like fulfilment and connection. And a mental healthcare sector that looks further than battling symptoms and focuses on revering fulfilment. Not just for the individual, but for the society as a whole.

Vulnerability in young people as strength for the future

 The question is: how can we turn this around?

Maybe by accepting vulnerability is not a weakness, but a way to make a connection. Because in a world where everyone seems perfect, who would want to embark on a real relationship? It’s time to stop running and choose to slow down, for connection, and meaningfulness. Not just for ourselves, but for all the young people who carry the future.

Translated from Dutch by S.G.M. Taplin